GROUP
SCENE 3
__CAST__
JEFF
JOHN
MARGE
SAM
TRICIA
SARAH
(int. - yet another group therapy office)
JEFF
hi, my name is jeff and . . . i'm addicted to solitaire
ALL (except JEFF)
HI JEFF
JEFF
um . . . i guess it, like, started when i was playing football and i broke my leg. i couldn't go outside to play so i stayed inside to play solitaire. it started as just a game here and there. then i found out about two-person solitaire and i became a group thing.
JOHN
oh man, that is sick and wrong
SARAH
oh, like you can talk, john
JOHN
oh, shuttup, dyke
SARAH
so what if i am? i'm proud of it!
MARGE
would the two of you quit please. we have had this discussion before. thank you.
JOHN
sure, whatever, "fearless leader"
MARGE
please continue, jeff
JEFF
well, it just got to be too much where that was all i was doing, ya know? that's it, i guess i was done.
SAM
good, we were sick of listening to you anyway.
SARAH
oh, bite it, sam
JOHN
besides, we heard all that crap before, it's lame
SARAH
john!
JOHN
sarah!
SARAH
quitit, damn you.
JOHN
why are you protecting him, sarah? you got the hots for him?
SARAH
no! dammit stop
SAM
yeh, sarah, sounds to me like you wanna get this guy in your...
MARGE
sam! that's enough of that!
SAM
yes dear, fearless leader.
MARGE
and stop calling me that
SAM
yes dear, marge!
TRICIA
oh why don't you two dorks leave them both alone
SAM
oooh... looky who's speakin' up! if it ain't miss "can't wear my underwear long enough to get dirty" tricia. nobody asked you for a comm... (TRICIA hits him) OUCH stop hitting me!
TRICIA
you asked for it, bud
SAM
you're asking for a bruise
TRICIA
be my guest, pencildick!
SAM
yo, marge, you hear this? blow the whistle, foul play!
MARGE
you're on your own . . . pencildick. heh!
SAM
oh, gee, thanks for the support, fearless leader (MARGE hits him) ouch! you quit hitting me, too, you wench
JOHN
what's the matter sam? can't handle the girlies beatin' ya up?
SAM
oh, stuff it freak
SARAH
if anybody's the freak here, it's you
JOHN
nobody asked you
JEFF
oh boy, here we go again with the freaks...
SARAH
i asked me
SAM
well, nobody cares about you, ya slut
TRICIA
i care about her you freakin' crotch-rot
SAM
that's 'cause you are her dyke girlfriend
TRICIA
that's enough of that, buddy, you are going down
SAM
not on you!
TRICIA
no, to the pavement
(Through this next speach TRICIA picks up SAM and carries him to the open window)
SAM
oh, yeh, like you could do . . . hey, what are you doing? leave me alone, quit grabbing me bitch, ouch, hey put me the fuck down! what are you doing you freakin' psycho, it's ten stories up! hey, no nonono don't hey AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(TRICIA throws him out the window)
SARAH
oh my god, she threw him out the window
MARGE
dammit tricia, i told you about that, that's the fourth one we lost now, dammit. can't you control yourself?
TRICIA
he was talkin' 'bout sarah
MARGE
so what, he was talking about me, too
JOHN
and me
SARAH
he wasn't talking about you, john, shuttup
MARGE
stop saying shuttup, oh my god you freaks are all freaks and that's it i can't handle you freaks anymore you all are driving me nuts and i think you all are freaks that's it dammit! i can't take it anymore i just can't take it AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(MARGE jumps out the window)
TRICIA
oh great, fearless leader just jumped out the window
JOHN
it's all your fault 'cause of your bitching tricia
TRICIA
that's the third one in two weeks that jumped
JOHN
it's all your fault, you slut
SARAH (hitting JOHN)
stop calling her a slut you asshole
JOHN
ouch, quitit, ouch, quit hitting ouch me you little ouch bitch ouch ouch
TRICIA
great, now we ain't got no more leader, ain't got no more group
SARAH
do you think they'll send us another leader, trish?
TRICIA
i don't know hon
SARAH
hold me hon
(They hug)
JOHN
oh, this is disgusting. "do you think they'll send us another leader?" do you think they'll lock us up in a padded cell you freaks??
SARAH
WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
TRICIA
now look what you done, you jerk, stop saying that
(hits him)
JOHN
ouch
TRICIA
we ain't gonna be locked up hon
JOHN
yes we are, 'cause you two are freaks
SARAH
oh, and you ain't?
JOHN
not like you you freak
SARAH
i told you to stop calling me that
JOHN
i don't care, you are a freak
SARAH
and you are an asshole, so there
JOHN
stopit, quit calling me an asshole you bitch
SARAH
i am not a bitch
JOHN
you are too
TRICIA
she is not a bitch, you freak
JOHN
stopit, both of you
TRICIA
you are a freak
JOHN
no, i'm not you are
SARAH
no, we aren't, stop calling us that
JOHN
why? you know it's true. you are dykes.
TRICIA
and we love it!
SARAH
stop calling us dykes
JOHN
well, so freakin' sorry, i just happen to be homophobic, ok?
TRICIA
no, it's not ok, 'cause you live with us every day of your life
SARAH
and you don't even know it
JOHN
oh shit, i think I'LL jump out a window now
SARAH
please, do it!
(ALL freeze except JEFF)
JEFF (V.O.)
ya know? i think i'm not so crazy after all... i think i'll go play solitaire. yeh... i think i still have a deck of unbeaten cards somehwere... yeh... solitaire....
(exit)
JOHN
hey, where'd he go?
TRICIA
he probably left 'cause of you, ya jerk
JOHN
dyke
SARAH
stop calling us dykes
JOHN
you are
SARAH
no, i'm not, i'm a lesbian, you freak!
JOHN
augh! stopit dammit, you two are both freaks.
TRICIA
quitit i'll kill you i swear i will, you....
(lights)